Thursday, September 28, 2006

the (Deputy) King is dead...


Why does everyone want to be Deputy PM? So far Peter Hain, Jon Cruddas (whoever he is) and Harriet Harman have all thrown their hats into the ring. And that for a position that, until today's mea culpa from Prezza, wasn't even vacant.

But why the surge of interest? After the Prescott debacle, the new Deputy Prime Minister won't even get the pleasure of baiting the Daily Mail by approving the construction of thousands of homes, needle exchanges and wind turbines in the Thames Valley. Granted, Dorneywood looks nice - but otherwise surely it is the crappiest Cabinet position? Apart from Social Exclusion Minister, obviously.

And yet when it comes to the top job - you know, the one with the trips to the White House and the free Toyota Prius - everyone looks at their feet.

Am I missing something?

Grown up politics




ANDREW RAWNSLEY: "Your famous sun-tan. Is it sun-bed, or out of the bottle? It's time now to answer the question
PETER HAIN: "I don't know what it is, but it seems to be there - whether I go in the sun or not."

What has the political discourse in this country come to when the (admittedly permanently orangey-brown) Welsh Secretary is posed this question?
Was Nye Bevan ever asked if he shaved his legs?
Did anyone ever check if David Lloyd George exfoliated?
Will we ever know how many bottles Lord Salisbury took into the shower?

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Whatever happened to the great British labrador?


Great Blair reaction in the Mail today. The front page trails a Max Hastings column - "Almost every word Blair spoke would have been perjury had he been on oath."

Chinny-reckon Hastings.

"Max Hastings' devastating critique on the end of an era" is the usual couple of thousand words of filler, I prefer it when he sticks to Why I like the great British rain cloud, or Bees: a noble British tradition. He probably gets paid by the word and writes it wearing striped pyjamas and day-dreaming about corporal punishment.

Yen pointed out last night that Blair's "generous praise" for Brown consists of calling him "remarkable". That's like me saying Tom has a remarkable t-shirt, it doesn't mean I like it.

Why does the Mail like Brown so much? Do they like his work ethic?

Monday, September 25, 2006

How to brief the papers

Great job by team GB ahead of his big speech. They gave the morning papers a few anodyne snippets like "New Labour renewed, not just holding the centre ground but modernising it in a progressive way too." Good for playing renewal bingo if not much else.

Although the advance quotes have a policy content of 0.2%, the Times is certain he will reassure Middle England he's not a crackpot lefty. The Guardian says he will focus on the environment, while the Indy thinks he will focus on tackling world poverty. The Mail, which is almost gushing, says he's going to offer a written constitution while the Sun says he's going to be as tough on terror as Tony.

Mentions of the Arctic Monkeys so far: one, he's "more interested in the arctic circle".

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Public service -- like making love to a beautiful woman



2006 has been an annus horribilis for Wales's ambulance service. Targets have been missed, and two chief executives have stepped down -- one warning the service was in crisis as he did so. Then the Assembly government contrived to approve an inquiry into its failings after a piece of cack-handedness by Health Minister, Dr Brian Gibbons.

But now, after a long and exhaustive search, there's a new sheriff in town. He's the Fast Show's Swiss Toni (above). He's abandoned his second-hand car dealership, and is now focusing on hitting minimum call-out waiting time targets.

Could this approach be exported to other struggling public service bodies? Might Basil Fawlty be able to turn around the Met? Or, if John Reid slips up, could there be a vacancy for Reginald Perrin at the Home Office? Cardiff Bay watches in anticipation....

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Fight the power


I stole this off a another blog. You put in your postcode then as your local MP have to battle your way to Sedgefield and defeat Tony Blair, I had trouble steering Glenda Jackson North through the Tory-dominated home counties.
telnet://seagrass.goatchurch.org.uk:646/
It vaguely reminds me of playing Dungeons & Dragons when I was a kid - which I did when I wasn't either raving or copping off with girls

THE story gripping Westminster

Completed ballot papers for the UK Independence Party's leadership election must be returned to party headquarters by 5.00pm today. The leadership candidates are David Campbell Bannerman, Nigel Farage, David Noakes and Richard Suchorzewski. The result will be announced on September 12.

My money is on Campbell Bannerman - his great-great-great-grand-uncle was PM in 1906, so the power actually flows through his veins.

70-year-old Sir Henry Campbell Bannerman resigned due to ill health but refused to move out of Downing Street, where he then died a few weeks later. I bet his great-great-great-grand-nephew is getting some serious mileage out of that at dinner parties at the moment.

Noakes' slogan is : "A vote for the Lib Dems, Conservatives or Labour is a vote for the EU police state"

My parents once voted Ukip, so I'm sure all the candidates have nice blazers.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Daily Planet

Here's some hard-hitting analysis for you - my theory is that the BEST journalists all have alliterative names - and here is the proof:

Peter Parker (a photojournalist if you will)
Clark Kent
Lois Lane
Tin Tin (sort of)
Amy Archer (from the Hudsucker Proxy)
Bitsey Bloom (Kate Winslet in the Life of David Gale)
Peter Preston
Ben Bradlee (out of All The President's Men, and also out of real life)
Vicky Vale (Batman)

I don't know if Tintin was a good boy reporter, he never seemed to have a notepad or a dictaphone about him, but he was world famous.